I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
