It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
