I hate all girls vehemently.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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