in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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