My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
