i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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