i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
