I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
