Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude i'm inner monologue high
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
