You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize