bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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