Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
