we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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