bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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