My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
