Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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