are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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