Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
