If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
