Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize