Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
