No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
