He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
