my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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