At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
