Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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