I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
