I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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