there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
