he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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