Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
