oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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