You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
