Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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