the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
