Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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