they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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