remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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