Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
