I wish my penis had an off switch
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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