watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
