She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
