Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
