OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
