words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
