I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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