i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
