Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
