You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
