and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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