one two three fourrrrnication!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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