dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
