Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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