She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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