my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of course I have a pirate flag
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
