There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
