Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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