I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
thus making me awesome and them whores
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
