you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
