There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
