I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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