Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
