Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
