...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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